ex coming back What do the statistics say? - Psychomechanics (2023)

Relationships are a huge investment of time and energy. It's easy to fall in love with someone, but there are many factors that come into play when you want to be in a relationship with that person. It will be an important decision and you will have to weigh many factors.

When a relationship ends, it is a great loss, especially if the relationship was good. Rather than spend time and effort finding a new partner, it's understandable why people sometimes prefer to get back together with their ex.

Do exes return weeks, months, or even years after their relationship ended?Relations?

The short answer is that most of them (about 70%) don't, but it depends.

It depends on many things. If you have read this article, you will have a good idea of ​​the probability that your ex will return.

But first, let's look at some factual statistics. If you're like me and into numbers, you'd like to know how often exes get back together. While every relationship is unique, looking at these statistics will give you a rough idea of ​​your chances.

Summary of ex-boyfriends getting back together statistics

I have combined data from several large-scale surveys on the subject, surveying thousands of participants. I've stripped out all the fluff and unnecessary details so you can get straight to the good stuff.

Here are some interesting and notable statistics on getting back together with an ex:

People thatthink about your extoo much71%
Ready To Get Back With Her Ex After They Dumped Them60%
people who actually didn'tget back together70%
Reunited but apart again14%
We came back and we stayed together15%
Men who regret the breakup45%
Women who regret the breakup30%

According to a survey conducted bycasinos.org, the following are things that people are willing to overlook when considering getting back together with an ex:

Excessive use of drugs or alcohol69%
I caught her lying63%
financial instability60%
I caught her cheating57%

here are thingschickensOverlooked when considering getting back with an ex:

I don't find her attractive anymore70%
They were physically violent with me.67%
They no longer found me attractive57%
we have differentlong term goals54%

Factors that contribute to the success of the meeting:

(Video) GMT20201211 120623 ACLENet Ex 1920x1080 1

  • be 50 years or older
  • Duration and quality of the previous relationship
  • Get back together within six months of the breakup
  • personal growth
  • commitment level
  • attraction

Make sense of the data

Many people think about getting back together with their ex. We'll talk about the reasons for this later, but the main reason is that finding a new relationship is hard. When people think of dating, they think of their ex because it's an easier and more accessible option.

Young people with their red hot hormones are constantly in and out of relationships. Their partner value is high and they know they can attract a lot of potential partners. You have the energy and time to invest in new relationships.

Older people, however, are under time and energy pressure. So if they choose to get back together with an ex, they are more likely to stay in the relationship. This explains why people over the age of 50 are much more likely to successfully reconnect with an ex.

The length and quality of the previous relationship are strong predictors of ex-boyfriends getting back together. Again, it's easier to lean on something that has worked in the past than to make an effort to find a new relationship.

The fact that people are not willing to overlook the loss of attraction when they are thinking about getting back together with their ex shows how important attraction is in a relationship. When people are attracted to their ex, they may be willing to let it go.lying, cheating and even drug addiction.

This shows how much the mind values ​​procreation with an attractive potential mate and is willing to make great sacrifices in its attempts to achieve that goal.

Since women are more picky than men when it comes to choosing a partner, they usually break up for good reasons. Since their overall mate value is higher than that of men, they can easily find a new partner. As a result, they are less likely to regret the breakup than men.

Why do ex boyfriends come back?

In addition to the fact that finding a new partner is a significant investment of time and energy, reasons that motivate exes to return include:

1. Residual feelings

If your ex still has some residual feelings for you and hasn't fully moved on, chances are he or she will come back.1

2. Familiarity and comfort

People are naturally averse to strangeness and discomfort. It's easier to be with someone you know and feel comfortable with than to start a new relationship with a stranger.

3. Emotional and other support

When a relationship ends, it becomes more difficult for a person to face the challenges of life. Your ex may come back to you for emotional support if this is the case.hit a low pointin your life.

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Your ex may also return to meet your other needs, such as physical intimacy, a place to stay, or companionship. If this is the case, they may leave you again when her needs are met.

4. Failed relationships

After breaking up with you and starting a series of new relationships, your ex may realize that you are their best option. They will regret breaking up with you and come back.

People can't resist comparing their new relationships to their old ones. It helps us learn from our mistakes and make better decisions.

5. Self-improvement

Self-improvement is the number one factor that helps exes get back together and stay together. Because when there is a separation, it often has to do with the fact that one or both members of the couple lack personal development.

Once this issue is resolved, the reason for the disconnection will be gone. There is nothing stopping exes from trying again.

If your partner's value increases significantly in the post-breakup period, your ex will likely want to get back together.

For example, if you're a man, you'll get a promotion at work, or you've lost weight and are in top shape if you're a woman.

Of course, the total value of the partner depends on many other things. This is just a simple example.

6. They broke up for a stupid reason

Your ex may come back when he realizes that he broke up with you for a silly, petty reason, like anger or a fight. If the relationship was generally good, one small argument shouldn't turn the whole relationship upside down.

7. They want what they can't have.

People tend to take the things they have for granted and think thatthe grass is greeneron the other hand. It is possible that now that they broke up, they want you back for this.

8. You are jealous

If you're in a new relationship and you're happy, your ex probably won't take it well if he still has feelings for you. They might try to sabotage your current relationship by asking to get back together.

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If you're feeling ambivalent and confused, chances are you also have lingering feelings for her. If you were sure about your new partner, you wouldn't pay attention to your ex who is trying to get back together with you.

Increase the chances of your ex coming back

If you improve andmove on, put yourself in the best possible position to get your ex back. What you don't want to do is beg your ex to come back to you. Such "partner score low" behavior almost guarantees that your ex won't come back.

If you want your ex back, you need to give him a good reason to. They must think of you as a worthwhile option. If you ended up because of a mistake you made, it would help if you showed them that you've changed.

communication is everything

If your ex keeps you in his life, that's the biggest sign that he might be back. However, not always. Sometimes exes show up in your life after months or years of no contact.

There are multiple reasons why people keep ex-boyfriends in their lives, from "it's polite" and "wanting to stay friends" to "keeping their options open."2

If your ex kept you in his life because he wanted to keep his options open, chances are he'll come back to you if his new relationships don't work out.

They will keep the lines of communication open with you. If he's flirting with you at this stage, it's a sure sign that he still sees you as a potential partner.

If they really just want to be friends, they won't flirt.

If your ex has closed all lines of communication with you, it's a strong sign that they're done with you. When they delete your number and block yousocial media, it is unlikely that they will return. They want nothing to do with you.

Disadvantages of getting exes back

As they say, relationships are like paper. Once you've squashed a piece of paper into a ball, it can never go back to its original simple shape, no matter how much you iron it.

Studies show that couples who break up and get back together are more likely to have conflicts, including serious arguments involving verbal and physical abuse.3

Separation and reunion also leads to increased psychological distress when couples get stuck in a pattern of separation and reunion.4

The more you break up and get back together, the less devoted you are to your partner and the more insecure you feel about the future of the relationship.5

That doesn't mean all on-off relationships are doomed to fail. When an ex comes back to be with you, you have to make sure that he comes back for the right reasons.


  1. Dailey, R.M., Jin, B., Pfiester, A. & Beck, G. (2011). Relationships over and over again: What holds couples back?The Journal of Social Psychology,151(4), 417-440.
  2. Griffith, R.L., Gillath, O., Zhao, X., & Martinez, R. (2017). Staying friends with ex-romantics: predictors, reasons, and results.Personal relationships,24(3), 550-584.
  3. Halpern‐Meekin, S., Manning, W.D., Giordano, PC., & Longmore, MA (2013). Relationship fluctuations, physical violence, and verbal abuse in relationships among young adults.Marriage and Family Magazine,75(1), 2-12.
  4. Monk, JK, Ogolsky, BG, & Oswald, RF (2018). Going out and back in: relationship transition and distress in same-sex and opposite-sex relationships.family relationships,67(4), 523-538.
  5. Dailey, R. M., Rossetto, KR., Pfiester, A. & Surra, CA (2009). A qualitative analysis of recurring romantic relationships: "It's up and down, all around."Magazine of social and personal relations.,26(4), 443-466.

Hanan Parvez(Author)

Hi, I'm Hanan Parvez (MBA, MA Psychology), founder and author of PsychMechanics. PsychMechanics was introduced inForbes,Business Insider,Reader's Digest, Yentrepreneur.

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